she's no angel

Pictured below is #2 son's daughter Bailey. He saved all his money from Birthday's and Xmas's and working and purchased her for $500.00 when he was 15. HE REALLY WANTED HER! She is of that calm and composed breed known as Jack Russell Terrorists. She spent her first five years running away from home and chewing everything up while she was here. I am firmly convinced that we really didn't need to pay rewards to get her back . I think we could have worked it like "The Ransom of Redchief". After one night of this little sweetie chewing everything you own most people probably would have paid us to take her back.

Due to Bailey's gastronomique taste for fine furniture and finer furnishings she spent much of her early years crated. This may seem unkind, however, we always kept her right next to us and over time she did "relax". Now at the mellow old age of 10 she is fairly trustworthy as long as no toys are around. Toys seem to incite her to bad practices. She saw a ball a week ago and ripped up a bookcase trying to get to it. She will shred a roll of paper towels in a minute and will eat anything small enough to lick up off the floor. Dead or Alive.

And then there are the "Accidents". Frankly, I don't think peeing or pooping on someone in bed, whilst they sleep, is an "Accident", but, then, she is not my dog.

Jack Russells are the Houdinis of the doggie realm. Bailey could chew though any collar or leash and disappear in the wink of any eye. We were forced to use a choke chain and steel leash. Once at the vets, the doctor put a "temporary" collar on her and had his assistant take her out for a urine specimen. She hopped into the air, flipped off the collar and was gone for three days. We put signs up everywhere and finally some one found her and called us. The vet charged $350.00 to my credit card for the time spent by his staff looking for her! I think we paid another $300.00 in reward money. She is truly a high maintenance b*tch.

snow angel

Yay Neutrophils

WE DID IT !

So I need a minimum of 2500 neutrophils to get chemo. OK. So last Fridays count turned out to be 233. OK. So they cancel chemo on Tuesday. OK. So you guys start cheering for my Neutrophils. OK. So today I get the blood work repeated and they send it STAT so they get the results right away today. OK. So guess what today's count is ? 3021 !!!! Can you believe it? I am ecstatic! The nurse said the results were terrific! Thanks everybody! You guys are the best! What a team! Hurray fairsCaPe's blog's commenters! You are all entitled to an extra dessert tonight!

Love to All,

fairsCaPe

cara helped me post my hair

No neutrophils no chemo

So the good news is I didn't have to have chemo today.

The bad news is My Neutrophil count was too low for them to give me chemo.

I guess they got jealous of my platelets having their own cheering section.

The better news is that my platelets have doubled in the past week. Doubled. Thanks to everyone cheering on my platelets. Please would you now cheer on my neutrophils. We actually need them to increase to 5 times what they are now so I can do chemo again next week.

sample cheer:

Neutrophils
You fill
the bill
stand up
and fight
with all
your might

yay Neutrophils!

Thanks to everyone for all your good wishes and advice. I don't know what I'd do without you guys. You are all so special to me. Your visits make this exile bearable. Visiting your blogs is the most fun you can have without risking catching something.

Cara honey I am a complete computard I scan the photo, I see it . I give it a file name. I copy and cut it. I click on the icon. I do what I'm told and voila... the stupid thing posts the picture and all I see on the blog is a frame. I got to get Hubby to help but I have him doing so much right now I can't ask just yet.

And Dawn, chemo patient it is. The cancer doesn't even let me know it is there, so, I don't feel like a cancer patient. I feel the chemo tearing me up, so I call myself a chemo patient. My friend got her mother a T-shirt that said;

"I survived Breast cancer".

What she wanted was a shirt that said;

" I survived Breast cancer Therapy".

Sound like you are a survivor too.

So I've been tidying and eating and napping. Yawn. ZZZZZZZ......

Love to All,

fairsCaPe

Hair today gone tomorrow

I wish I could figure out this picture posting deal. Yesterday #2 son took some photos of my waist length hair. It has already started slipping out each time I comb it. I figure I've lost at least 30% of my volume. Still. I can't decide whether to chop it all off ( sounds rash) or trim it (sounds sensible) or just let it go slowly and see what happens ( sounds typically me). It doesn't look too bad yet just a little thin and fringy compared to usual.

So what is the problem? I start crying every time I comb my hair. Geeze I sound vain and stupid don't I ? It is just that I always wanted really long hair and it finally got around to cooperating after my first chemo and at least 100 three foot long hairs come out in my hands every time and it makes my sad and reminds me I'm "sick" even when I feel OK.

Also, I don't want to look "sick" and have people pitying me and asking dumb questions and telling me stories about their relative ( now dead) whose hair fell out on chemo and never grew back before they died, etc. People out there... we know you need compassion for the loss of your loved one ,but, asking for it from a chemo patient is really asking a lot. A Whole Lot...Argh!

OK , fairsCaPe, you have your Pollyanna reputation to consider here. Try not to go nuts on well meaning(?) strangers...

On the positive side, it is an outward sign that the chemo is infusing throughout my system. Also, My "grannybun" hairdo is a few generations out of style no matter how comfy I find it. And, if I keep my wits about me as I comb I can put the hair out with the bird food... birds love to use hair in their nest.

I just worry about shedding long strands and someone tripping over them... fiddle, dee, dee, tomorrow is another day... and I start chemo... time to concentrate evil thoughts on the buggers and positive thoughts on the good bits. I will post when I can.

Good Tidings

Things have been pretty good.

The folks at the nursing home did some sort of sheet count on Bobby and suddenly it is medically necessary for him to have his Texas catheter back on, Hurray! With an intake of over 4 litres/quarts per day I should have realized it would only be a matter of time, Hurray! They are not actually using his catheters, they are using their catheters, however, they are using a different brand of drainage bag that drains better, Hurray! I have not actually seen his bottom, but, supposedly it is only red and the skin is not broken open, Hurray! I have always said "every problem has a solution". Some times you just have to let people figure things out for themselves. I bet the nurses aides raised hell. He had to be completely changed, sheets and all, at least 10 times per day. Apparently uneducated semi skilled workers know more than physicians, text book writers and caring professional family members. Who would have thunk it? Problem solved. Hurray Ladies!

We had a lovely Solstice. The weather was super-uncharacteristically warm and the sun was bright and beautiful. The days will be longer now, I have hardly noticed their shortening due to all the wonderful warm weather of late. Hurray Sun!

We were able to get the roof tarped and the ceiling painted in the dining room. It is raining right now and so far...so good...(keeping all my fingers and toes crossed). As the dining room is now habitable we were actually able to get together with #2son, lovely girlfriend and one of my dearest friends for dinner. Steven picked up some nice Italian food on the way home from visiting Bobby. We put it on real plates and we Dined. Hurray fettucini alfredo and portabello mushrooms!

Aside from a possible reaction to Celebrex ( I do have a history of childhood allergy to sulfa) all my meds and concoctions are working and aside from some breaks here and there I have been comfy. Hurray medications and home remedies !

All my catalogue orders have arrived in time for the Holidays. Hurray Catalogues!

The holes in the ceiling in the den, resulting from the removal of two "can" light fixtures, have been closed. I will not mention how many years they have been staring at me like two unearthly eyeballess eyes. Less than 10. Hurray for closure!

If this is my last Holiday (shhh, please let me go on) if it is, I could not have asked for better. Between the love and support here at home and the love and support of all you guys I feel truly blessed. Hurray Blessings!

Love to All,

fairsCaPe

guess what?

i took a bathie all by myself with nobody home

i am a big girl now!

truthfully

i can not remember the last time i was alone

i have been surrounded for most of my life, maybe, all of my life

weird huh?

by the way, i have actually posted poetry over on fairsCaPe if you are so inclined

Bobby has been low key "happy" when i have seen him lately, Steven visits every day even if i ain't got it

it is lovely and buoying (sp?) to see so many visitors old and new, I will try to return visit asap

i have a new request

it seems my platelets (the buggers) need a cheering section all their own
while i am not dangerous i am behind schedule and could use a bit of a boost

i am told my potassium is low also however i have been referred to the "Banana Cure"

love to all

fairsCaPe

updates

thanks to all for the input and for hanging in there

meeting went "eh" with the lawyer ... it was wonderful having him there ... I feel it tempered a lot of the remarks that they were planning... what an evil ghoulish crew

We saw my radiation oncologist yesterday morning and followed the ambulance to Bobby's surgeon in the afternoon... needless to say.. I'd be pooped even without chemo... these are two hour or more round trips for the transport alone.

Oncologist very warm and supportive as usual... will review my most recent scans and follow up after next scan and work with chemo md on possible addition of radiation to any recalcitrant areas


Bobby has yet another new g tube... I hope they like this one

his pants are almost perpetually wet... i am very concerned about the removal of the texas catheter... I haven't seen his butt in days... he is always flat on his back which is another huge concern

in typical fairsCaPe insanity I have undertaken to redecorate the bathroom so that it is more soothing... I spend a lot of time in there and I need to be soothed

we will be seeing our regular MD today,,, Steven is in for a long overdue check up

i wish i had time to tidy up the other blogs... soon

nausea

wow

the topotecan is awful

i don't remember the cisplatin alone being quite so tough

i'm trying lots of stuff

Any suggestions?

Bobby is now perpetually soaking wet... my heart is breaking... I have not been well enough to leave the house to go see him... I only hope I can make it in the morning

love to all

fairsCaPe

what's next...

Ok

so Bobby stayed on a stretcher in the ER all night with Steven and didn't get turned and didn't get fed and didn't get his meds on time and they searched an entire 20 story hospital for the kind of Gtube this nursing home doctor wants and they couldn't find one so they sent him back with the same tube in place in other words a totally wasted visit... your tax dollars at work

my poor son has lost over 30 pounds in the last 6 weeks from not being fed properly and this is while he is trying to heal a surgical abdominal wound

Steven got home around 2 or 3 am i got some sleep before and some more after

we had an appointment at the lung cancer center today and basically they don't see any point in doing anything besides what my gynoncologist is doing - chemo

after that appointment i went for chemo again today aloxi/decadron/topotecan

after that we went to the NH to see Bobby

these folks have decided not to use the Texas Catheter anymore they are just going to let him pee his pants instead so he will be laying in cold wet diapers all the time

He has an intake of 4000cc per day with all the unneccesary flushes they give him

They only check him once or twice a shift He pees 1000 at a time The pee is going to be running off the bed on to the floor I hope the farking (thanks ed) doctor slips and falls on her Farking posterior /rolls over on her farking face and Drowns in his Farking pee. Now isn't that a pretty picture... yessssssss... I told you all I was going straight to hell because I am so evil. Just an aside... she has the worst haircut I have ever seen... It looks like a kindergartener on crack attacked her with plastic scissors.

one of the nonenglish speaking nurses brought out Bobby's empty liquid vitamin bottle at like 4pm so we had to come home and I am staying home and steven is going back

i am pretty tired

i can feel all your little vodoo pinpricks all day and all night

keep up the "bad" work

there are still a few spots up for adoption go back a few entries and check

don't waste any negative energy that you could be directing at those nasty little malignant spots

no spell check tonight - straight to post

love to all

fairsCaPe

ups and downs

i'm really tired

steven didn't get home until 2 am

the surgeon had seen bobby in the er
put in another gtube and instilled contrast material and xrayed

they sent him back to the nursing home in the middle of the night

steven slept this morning

i was up at six

my friend drove me to chemo so steven could sleep

I called the social worker to tell her we would not make the meeting

THE NURSING HOME DOCTOR CALLED after the meetingTO SAY SHE DID NOT LIKE THE TUBE THE SURGEON PUT IN LAST NIGHT

SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SENDING HIM BACK TO THE ER

I TOLD HER I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING CISPLATIN AND TOPOTECAN

SHE SAID WHEN WILL YOU BE DONE I CHECKED AND SAID 4:30PM

WE GOT TO THE HURSING HOME AT 4:45PM AND THE AMBULANCE WAS ALREADY THERE (OOPS CAPS)

I had spoken to Bobby's surgeon during the day, he was in the OR between cases. He tried to call the Nursing Home doctor but all he got was an answering machine.

I had a mini panic attack in the Nursing home because of the way I found Bobby all twisted in the bed with his head flat and the nurse said " you should have come to OUR MEETING" all bitchy like.

I had Steven take me part way home and we met my girldriend and steven left for the hospital ER and my girfriend took me home and then she went to work.

#2 son came home and helped me with supper (I can't lift)

I haven't heard from steven or the hospital aand I'm afraid to call.

Why are people so awful? I have been a healthcare professional, a Registered Nurse, since 1973. I had one "law" i always enforced.

Do unto others the way you would have others do unto you.

It worked.

Love to all,

fairsCaPe

It's almost 8pm.

Have I died and gone to hell?

I was up at 4am today. I showered and was at the hospital by 6am. I signed my name 2 or 3 times and waited 2 or 3 hours to be taken to the OR. The nurse anesthetist ( who I really like) stuck me 5 or 6 times to get an IV started. The put me out and had to use general anesthesia to put the port in because of all my allergies. I woke up in a lot of pain because they usually shoot the whole area up with locals but I'm allergic to every "caine" medication I've ever been given so the operative site HURT. They didn't have the pain medication I take in the recovery room so I had to wait an hour or so while the nurse ran down to the Pharmacy to get some. Then they took me back to the staging area. Then I got dressed to go home. Then I started coughing up blood. Then they sent me home.

Steven went to the Pharmacy to get me the Perscriptions I needed. After he got me some food he went to see Bobby.

Two days ago when we went to see Bobby he was positioned so poorly we complained.

Yesterday, to punish us for complaining they shoved all of the pubic hair aroung the base of his penis into the Texas (condom) urinary catheter so that it was pulling on him for I don't know how long. I freaked out . I had to cut his pubic hair to get the catheter off of him. They were screaming at me the whole time because they have those rules that I am not allowed to touch him. Even though they don't know what they are doing, even though I have an RN, even though I have been taking care of him for 22 and a half years, even though in addition to being his mother I am the Court Appointed Guardian of his Person and Property.

Today when Steven got there the doors were closed and they were running around like crazy people and it turns out some farking abusive insane farking NAZI had PULLED OUT HIS GASTROSTOMY TUBE. Solid anchor, sutures and all. Blood everywhere...

Bobby is on his way to the ER via ambulance. Steven is taking the car. I can't be there. We have been up since 4am. I start chemo in the morning. I am still coughing up blood. My girlfriend will be taking me.

Have I died and gone to hell? This is un-farking-believable.

Forgive me for not spellchecking. I am shaking with rage and fear and pain. I am all alone waiting for Steven to call. I have been crying so much I can hardly breathe. It's like the twilight zone. Just being able to tell you guys helps. Thanks.

Love to all,

fairsCaPe

Colonel PK the Colon Cleanser

Colonoscopy yesterday. Everything clear up to my appendix except for one little polyp which the doctor biopsied and obliterated with electrocautery. She didn't think it looked malignant but she sent it to be checked just for sure. Because of how it looked on the PET/CAT scan and everything.

PK was in charge of that little booger. Thanks PK. I chose you for that spot because of your army background. You have seen the enemy on its way. I still need you on sentry duty until the results come back. Guarding the perimeter and all that. Getting secrets from the enemy. Trust me, after what I did to the little nasty thing during the prep (waterboarding?) and what the doctor did yesterday it'll talk for sure. And if it turns out to be more trouble we'll just hit it with some chemical warfare.

Isn't my doctor great? She is young and hip (does anyone say hip anymore?) and fit and pretty and she has weekend hours because she understands the needs of the average person who needs to get this sort of thing done on the weekend instead of during the workweek. And she loves animals... she has animal rights stuff all over the place and her whole office is decorated in kitties. Yup, Kitties. Kitty pictures, statues, candles, doorhooks, tissue holders... wait a minute... you all think I'm still high on the medications they zapped me with... seriously, if it comes with a kitty on it ...then she's got it. Instead of all the doctor stuff on her bookcases and walls she's got kitties. And she wrote a book and she has a website. And she gives you juice and fruit and a cookie when you're done. Not that I felt like it this time. The damn needle came out of my vien too early again and I "experienced" some "discomfort" during the end of the procedure, but, I'm ok now and the damn thing is out.

I really am going to need that port. I am tired of being stuck over and again and having them lose IV's half way through things. So PK dear, since you did so well on Private Polyp would you please stand guard over things in General on Wednesday while I'm asleep for the port?

Thanks to all of you guys. You have no idea how good it makes me feel knowing you are out there hating the little bits of me that have gone astray. I feel stronger every day.

Oh, by the way... the website for my doctor is... www.liverdisease.com...( this is not a link I never learned how to do that)... and if you scroll down to the bottom and click on smartcats you can see pictures of her real cats and then maybe you'll believe me...

love,

fairsCaPe