no official results...
... however I was able to find out that the results have been available since Wednesday morning at 10am.
I chose my doctor because I understood that she had more knowledge about my disease than I did. I chose her because of her skill as a surgeon should my disease need manual removal. I chose her because of her ability to prescribe the appropriate chemotherapy. I chose her in spite of the fact that she did not accept my insurance and I had to pay (a quite hefty) out of network co pay(she has since become part of that network so my copay is small). I stayed with her even though her billing system was terrible - a computing programming nightmare. I stayed with her even though her partner's were less than pleasant. I stayed with her even though her manner has been quite brusk. Even though her responses to my physical complaints were less than sympathetic. Even though she told me before the biopsy that I would most likely be dead in one year even if I did another course of chemo.
I did not choose her to micromanage my life or emotional state. I did not choose her to be my god. I did not choose her because I thought she was smarter or better than me at knowing what was good for me.
I am concerned about the amount of emotional turmoil and stress I am experiencing due to this prolonged waiting. I am concerned that it is having a negative effect on my immune system. I am concerned about it affecting the outcome of my chances at recovery.
The doctors' service never called back yesterday.(my doctor is away for the holiday)
I can only assume that my doctor feels she must be the one to tell me what she predicted is true. That my biopsy shows metatasis. Quite frankly I have been doing a lot of internet etc. research and the sites that showed up as having high metabolic activity predictive of malignancy(on my PET/CAT scan) correlate with the usual sites of metastasis from cervical cancer.
I do not appreciate being kept in the dark. Not when the light is only a phone call away.
I have actually been waiting for these results since the original CAT scan when I was in the ER last month, before Bobby was admitted for his surgery. As I see it that is one month lost to the spread of this awful mess through my system. One month of sleepless nights and worried days. One month of living like a fooking (thanks for the spelling ed) drama queen. That is over now.
I know what I am dealing with. Nobody would have their staff hold back good news. I have to plan for more intervention. I have to plan for my family. I have to make sure that even if I lose this fight this time that everybody I leave behind will be as OK as possible. Fook denial. I'm ready to RUMBLE.
The idea of changing doctors at this point in time has occurred to me. I don't think that I will unless my doctor dumps me. I don't want to lose any more time. And as my mother used to say " better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." Of course, I will probably consider a second opinion , but I feel anxious to begin a course of therapy as soon as possible. Like yesterday. While I am still feeling healthy and strong , before any of these monsters become symptomatic.
I am concerned about the amount of stress this is causing for all of you guys. This is going to be tough. I will understand if some or even all of you disappear. Everyone has to take care of themselves. I will post as long as I can.
No Body Ever Skip Your Fooking Pap Smears!!!
I chose my doctor because I understood that she had more knowledge about my disease than I did. I chose her because of her skill as a surgeon should my disease need manual removal. I chose her because of her ability to prescribe the appropriate chemotherapy. I chose her in spite of the fact that she did not accept my insurance and I had to pay (a quite hefty) out of network co pay(she has since become part of that network so my copay is small). I stayed with her even though her billing system was terrible - a computing programming nightmare. I stayed with her even though her partner's were less than pleasant. I stayed with her even though her manner has been quite brusk. Even though her responses to my physical complaints were less than sympathetic. Even though she told me before the biopsy that I would most likely be dead in one year even if I did another course of chemo.
I did not choose her to micromanage my life or emotional state. I did not choose her to be my god. I did not choose her because I thought she was smarter or better than me at knowing what was good for me.
I am concerned about the amount of emotional turmoil and stress I am experiencing due to this prolonged waiting. I am concerned that it is having a negative effect on my immune system. I am concerned about it affecting the outcome of my chances at recovery.
The doctors' service never called back yesterday.(my doctor is away for the holiday)
I can only assume that my doctor feels she must be the one to tell me what she predicted is true. That my biopsy shows metatasis. Quite frankly I have been doing a lot of internet etc. research and the sites that showed up as having high metabolic activity predictive of malignancy(on my PET/CAT scan) correlate with the usual sites of metastasis from cervical cancer.
I do not appreciate being kept in the dark. Not when the light is only a phone call away.
I have actually been waiting for these results since the original CAT scan when I was in the ER last month, before Bobby was admitted for his surgery. As I see it that is one month lost to the spread of this awful mess through my system. One month of sleepless nights and worried days. One month of living like a fooking (thanks for the spelling ed) drama queen. That is over now.
I know what I am dealing with. Nobody would have their staff hold back good news. I have to plan for more intervention. I have to plan for my family. I have to make sure that even if I lose this fight this time that everybody I leave behind will be as OK as possible. Fook denial. I'm ready to RUMBLE.
The idea of changing doctors at this point in time has occurred to me. I don't think that I will unless my doctor dumps me. I don't want to lose any more time. And as my mother used to say " better the devil you know than the devil you don't know." Of course, I will probably consider a second opinion , but I feel anxious to begin a course of therapy as soon as possible. Like yesterday. While I am still feeling healthy and strong , before any of these monsters become symptomatic.
I am concerned about the amount of stress this is causing for all of you guys. This is going to be tough. I will understand if some or even all of you disappear. Everyone has to take care of themselves. I will post as long as I can.
No Body Ever Skip Your Fooking Pap Smears!!!
posted by CCCCppppCCppp at 2:23 AM
8 Comments:
GAH!! What IS it with medicine folks these days?? Do they really think we're that stupid? As you said no one would have their staff withhold good news that long. I tend to run rampant over medical folks simply because I will NOT tolerate such treatment and attitudes, and because I so resent them for having them. I so wish I could be there for you fairscape, in person. On seocnd thought, maybe it's just as well I'm so far away! You do what you have to, my dear. Take care of your family, but also be sure to take care of yourself and do only that which you want to do. I know you know this.
And if you ever need a Bitch on Wheels in your corner, you know where to find me!
I can't fathom why one has to make things difficult in the hope that bastards do their jobs properly.
Stay positive F.
Ooooh, this kind of thing makes my blood boil. I'd be on that doctor's doorstep asking her to put some empathy shoes on, and to go for a long walk in them.
Stay bright!
Grr... How can they leave you 'hanging' like that?
I guess you know the score though, having been through this before. I admire your positivity. I hope that you can get the treatment you need as soon as possible.
btw, I wouldn't worry about us (your readers). It sounds like it's not just me that wishes I could be there for you in person. Just know I'm thinking of you and sending all the positive vibes, I can muster, your way.
Even though I realize we are not in the same boat, i will say that i sort-of know how you feel as i am STILL waiting for B's echo results and we get the same spiel from the receptionist when we call every day.
It makes me hate our modern medicine system. It makes me wonder if there are still doctors out there who really care. It makes me sad for all the patients out there, waiting in pain and losing time because some radiologist/pathologist is too lazy to put in a few extra seconds to read some fooking results from tests done two weeks ago!!!
I better stop now or I will get ugly.
I love to hear that you are ready to RUMBLE. You are beyond awesome.
"I am concerned about the amount of stress this is causing for all of you guys. This is going to be tough. I will understand if some or even all of you disappear. Everyone has to take care of themselves."
...fairsCaPe, I hardly think you'll get rid of any one of us that easily. As the others said, I'm here for you, too.
...and I won't even start on doctors...they make me so angry my hands shake...the way they treat people. :-(
Stay TOUGH!
My dear Fairscape,
I am sorry for all that you are going through. Your most recent experiences with drs, hospitals... horrendously horrible.
Medical red tape!
Good Grief.
*closed my eyes and said a prayer for you and your family peace of mind and strength to face this straight up and strong and for your doctors and nurses may they be more sensitive to your needs* Amen
Rumble away go kick some arse..
more midwestern love and hugs
F'scape,
We won't be chased away. Blog on.
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