Post op

Bobby had his surgery yesterday. He is on morphine around the clock. Things are not going perfectly but he seems oblivious to the pain. This will take some time. Thanks to all.

err...

Oh well...

Back to the ER. Not for me this time. Bobby is having another little glitch. A new fistula has formed next to his Gtube, over the course of a couple days it went from being a little red dot, to a pimple, to a pus pimple, to a draining pimple, and then just when we thought it was going to start healing it opened up and everything we put in his gtube ( food water meds) came Out. Right away. After many phone calls to his various MD's we packed up and presented ourselves in full entourage in the ER. Since we take such good care of him he looked great and not like some half dead dish rag (that's Me), so we had to lobby for admission for the next 8 hours. I stood my ground and he is in the ICU. He hadn't peed for 26 hours so they finally put a foley in him at 2 am and only got 200cc of pee. I knew he was too dry even if is blood work was good. (normal people make at least 30 cc of pee per hour).

Thanks for all the good wishes. I just can't post an individual response any more. I will visit those of you who visit here when I can. I will try to update. I have few friends in the nonblog world and I appreciate you all very much.

A trip to the ER

OH well...

My body has been mean to me even though I have tried to be nice to it.

It is hard to visit the ER by yourself. Especially if your hair is messy. Always comb your hair before you go. People will treat you better. Always take an advocate other wise you will need to bring your own luxuries, You know like pillows or blankets. Unless you have someone with you you will need to yell loudly; not try to be quiet and sniffle to yourself if you have pain or nausea. Once you throw up 4 liters of fluid at once people will take you a bit more seriously and you will get what you need so don't suppress just let fly. Demand lab work and xrays. You have your rights! Don't be surprised if things actually turn out to be wrong. Be prepared to leave rapidly when they decide it is time for you to go even if no one can pick you up for a few or more hours.And remember;Have fun!

Time

It's amazing how much time goes by while I do nothing. I begin to get a sense of what a waste of time just sitting here is and then, not wanting to ,or, not being able to comprehend it I parcel it out in little ritualized bundles that I can manage. I will do my morning haiku contest. Then I will have my yogurt. Then I will do a task for Bobby, like turning or suctioning or starting his feeding or giving his meds. I check the phone for messages. Each time I sit down I remember the thing /things I forgot do do. Never remember till I sit. Never remember when I get up again. When I get hungry I have my cheese sandwich and some green tea. Then it is a task for Bobby , check phone, check mail, check email ,look at blogs. read, crossword puzzle. Potty. Everything is nothing. Everything is fill up the hours that are slipping through my fingers like mercury. Everything is designed to keep the status quo going. There is never any advancement. It is all so static and so boring. I miss being able to just get up and go. I miss being able to sleep without pain or worry. I miss the sun and the air. I miss feeling decent. I miss bathing regularly. I miss looking nice. I miss my life with Steven. I look at Bobby awake or asleep across the room in his bed. Looking out the window. Watching TV. Does he have any idea that all this will end one day? Has he ever had any real understanding of life or death? Is he happy? Could we do anything to make him happier? He seems amused most of the time. And me ? Am I amused most of the time? Donald Trump has his name on buildings all around the world. Does he need to do this to know he is alive ? I watch the sat monitor and I know Bobby is alive. Some times when he is asleep in the dim of night I need to have those numbers. The vent would just keep on puffing away if his heart stopped. Eventually he would turn blue but it would be hard to tell in the dim. I guess he will pee if his heart stops. Poo too. It might take a while to notice. Will anyone notice if I die just sitting here? How will they be able to tell?

what's up

Well, how are you all doing? We are just sort of coasting here.

I called #2 son yesterday because he was late getting home. I asked if they had kept him in detention for being bad. ( This is what I call overtime at his first job out of college). Imagine my surprise to hear he was at a car dealership to pick up his new car. The little bugger saved his money, got a loan and arranged for insurance all by himself. I am proud. What did he buy? A nice Honda Hybrid like Mommy? A pick up like Dad? What does the young urban male go for today? A Subaru Impreza Wrx Sti Limited Edition. It's one of 800. One of 400 produced in Urban Gray Metallic. Zero to 60 in under 5 seconds. It is a small silver ROCKETSHIP. I got first ride. ZOOM!!! Well as zoom as you can go in the neighborhood without putting the tach over 4 grand until the engine is broken in... It even had a little strip of metal on the dashboard that says what number out of 800 it is. Cool!